Did you know trauma survivors often become people-pleasers? Psychotherapist Pete Walker found that abuse survivors often use the “fawn” response to cope1. This shows how common and deep people-pleasing is, making recovery resources very important.
Self help books can really change lives for those fighting people-pleasing. They help with setting boundaries, pleasing others too much, and speaking up for oneself. These books give real steps to help break free from these issues.
Key Takeaways
- Self help books offer practical strategies for overcoming people-pleasing behaviors.
- Trauma survivors often fall into people-pleasing as a coping mechanism1.
- Effective boundary-setting is crucial for recovery from people-pleasing.
- Books like “The Disease to Please” and “Not Nice” provide specific techniques for asserting oneself.
- Understanding the root causes, such as childhood experiences, can aid in recovery1.
Introduction to People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is when someone puts others’ needs before their own. This often happens because they want approval or avoid conflict. It can come from childhood or past trauma2. It can make you neglect your needs, feel resentful, and lose who you are3.
Many struggle to set boundaries, which is key for healthy relationships. Without boundaries, you might face manipulation or mistreatment3. Taking assertiveness training can help you regain your power and build better relationships. Self-help resources can also boost your self-worth and self-esteem4.
Books and e-books on people-pleasing and perfectionism are helpful. For example, an e-book on these topics costs about $42 and teaches you to value yourself2. There’s also a journaling guide with over 40 prompts to help you understand yourself better2.
Ignoring your own desires can lead to burnout and resentment3. It’s important to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This way, you can live authentically and find peace4.
The Disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker
“The Disease to Please” by Harriet B. Braiker is a guide for those struggling with people-pleasing. It has become a New York Times bestseller, helping millions. It focuses on breaking free from the need to please everyone and building self-esteem5.
Core Insights from The Disease to Please
Braiker explores why people-pleasing happens. She introduces “The Disease to Please Triangle,” showing the mindsets and habits behind it6. The book also lists “The Ten Commandments of People-Pleasing” and “The Seven Deadly Shoulds.” These give readers clear steps to stop self-imposed burdens6.
A key part of the book is Braiker’s “21-Day Action Plan for Curing the Disease to Please.” It offers a step-by-step guide to overcoming codependency5. The book also has a test to help readers see if they’re people-pleasers and why6.
How This Book Can Help You Recover
“The Disease to Please” is both theoretical and practical. It tackles common mindsets and habits, helping with self-esteem and setting boundaries. It offers real strategies to stop people-pleasing, especially for those in high-stress jobs7.
The second half of the book gives practical steps to change behaviors. It’s a key resource for those recovering from codependency6. Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison praises it for its effectiveness in helping women balance personal and societal needs5.
When It’s Never About You by Ilene S. Cohen
“When It’s Never About You” by Ilene S. Cohen tackles the issue of people-pleasing. It guides readers on a path to self-care and true happiness. This book combines empathy and practical advice, resonating with those seeking to prioritize their well-being over pleasing others.
Key Takeaways
Dr. Ilene S. Cohen has a Ph.D. in psychotherapy and teaches at Barry University8. Her expertise makes the book’s advice valuable for improving emotional intelligence. It’s a guide for those interested in bettering their relationships8. The book explores family systems and personal roles, helping readers find their personal freedom. Published in 2017, it’s 11.5 oz, 9 inches long, and 6 inches wide, with 206 pages of content9.
Reclaiming Health and Happiness
The book shares personal stories and clinical examples for growth8. One person spent 32 years in people-pleasing, showing the need for self-care8. Professionals like Jim Rudes, Ph.D., and Olivia SchlapfeR cOlmeR, Ph.D., endorse it for its insights8. Their support makes it a reliable self-help guide for emotional intelligence and well-being.
“When It’s Never About You” teaches readers to take steps toward health and happiness. It emphasizes setting boundaries and valuing self-care. This approach helps break the cycle of people-pleasing and promotes emotional intelligence for a balanced life.
| Publisher | Doctor Ilene LLC |
|---|---|
| Publication Year | 2017 |
| Number of Pages | 206 Pages |
| Language | English |
| ISBN-10 | 0999311506 |
| ISBN-13 | 9780999311509 |
| Item Weight | 11.5 Oz |
| Item Length | 9 in |
| Item Width | 6 in |
| Number of Pictures | 3 |
| eBay Item Number | 186499959570 |
Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura
“Not Nice” by Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD, explores how to stop people-pleasing. It was first published on November 17, 2017. The book is about 260 pages long and full of useful information1011. The audiobook is 18 hours and 3 minutes long, with Dr. Gazipura narrating11.
Importance of Assertiveness Training
Aziz Gazipura stresses the need for assertiveness training. He says it’s key for those who struggle with people-pleasing and communication10. On page 48, he talks about how avoiding conversations can cause bigger problems later10.
The book lists 25 rights related to assertiveness and self-expression on page 13110. These points are important for being bold and will benefit readers in the long run10. Many readers have found the book to be life-changing11.
Learning to Say No
Saying no is a big part of “Not Nice”. On page 135, Gazipura says being bold, including saying no, brings great rewards10. He uses the “Bag of Ones” analogy on page 184 to show that dealing with some negative responses is okay10.
Readers find inspiration in stories like the unrequited love on page 3510. Gazipura also emphasizes the importance of being sure in communication for leadership success on page 25210. By teaching self-help assertiveness, Aziz Gazipura helps readers handle tough conversations better, improving their lives10.
Stop People Pleasing by Patrick King
Patrick King’s book, Stop People Pleasing, helps those who always try to please everyone. It’s a clear guide with 235 pages in its Kindle Edition, published on August 19, 201812. It teaches how to break free from the need for approval and set boundaries.
The book focuses on building assertiveness skills to fight people-pleasing. With 964 ratings and 106 reviews12, it’s clear many have found it helpful. It shows how Patrick King’s advice helps people take back control of their lives.
King teaches readers to stop needing to please everyone. He shows how setting boundaries is key for growing personally. By using his methods, people can say no without feeling guilty and become more assertive.
The book offers hope to those who always try to please others. Patrick King gives practical tips and shares stories that help readers overcome their struggles. For those fighting approval addiction and wanting to be more assertive, this book is a must-read.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Henry Cloud
“Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend was first published in 199213. It has become a key book in personal growth and setting boundaries. It teaches readers the value of setting limits in life, whether in relationships or at work.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Cloud and Townsend talk about three main types of boundaries: physical, mental, and emotional14. Learning and setting these boundaries is crucial for self-respect and personal growth. The book shows how clear and assertive communication can change how we interact and feel better overall14.
It also shows how boundaries change over time, from family issues to work conflicts13. These lessons give readers practical ways to set boundaries in their everyday lives.
Building Self-Esteem
“Boundaries” also focuses on building self-esteem through setting boundaries. Cloud shows that putting one’s own needs first helps build self-worth. The authors believe that saying “no” and setting limits are key to self-respect and growth15.
They suggest learning what triggers personal boundaries and what needs them. This helps create a healthier and more confident self-image.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
“Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie is a top pick in the self-help world for many reasons16. It has sold over two million copies, showing its big impact on understanding codependency and healing17. On Goodreads, it has 44,282 ratings, with an average of 4.13 out of 518. With 2,606 reviews, it’s clear many readers connect deeply with its themes18.
Understanding Codependency
Melody Beattie explores the complex world of codependency and how it relates to people-pleasing18. She uses personal stories to show how codependency shows up in our relationships. It’s about going too far to help others18.
She also talks about how feeling like a victim can keep these bad patterns going. By understanding the emotional and psychological reasons behind codependency, we can start to heal. This healing comes from taking care of ourselves and recognizing our independence.
Steps to Recovery
Beattie offers a clear path to overcoming codependency, with steps to change our relationships and find self-sufficiency18. She stresses the need for self-care and setting boundaries for healthier connections18. A favorite quote from the book got 121 likes, showing how Beattie’s advice on self-care resonates18.
Her work encourages readers to trust themselves and build their self-esteem. These are key steps to gaining personal independence18.
Here’s a closer look at “Codependent No More” and its impact:
| Aspect | Details |
|---|---|
| Ratings | 44,282 on Goodreads |
| Average Rating | 4.13 out of 5 |
| Reviews | 2,606 on Goodreads |
| Copies Sold | Over two million |
| Regions Discussing Codependency | Health classes across different regions |
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi
In “The Courage to Be Disliked,” authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga explore Alfred Adler’s teachings. This book is a dialogue between a young person and a philosopher. It dives into Adlerian psychology, which is popular in Europe and the USA1920.
The text encourages readers to live authentically and find happiness on their own terms21.
Overcoming Approval Addiction
The book focuses on breaking free from the need for approval. The philosopher says chasing recognition can fill life with anxiety21. It moves away from Freud’s ideas of past wounds, focusing on how we see our past19.
It teaches readers to focus on what they can control and not worry about others’ opinions2120.
Embracing Real Happiness
The book says true happiness comes from being brave and living authentically, even if others dislike it. It stresses the importance of equal and respectful relationships20. It also talks about the value of trusting others and helping them, for deep connections20.
Quotes in the book show that real joy comes from living in the moment, not seeking empty praise21.
“The Courage to Be Disliked” has sold over 3.5 million copies, showing its impact21. It also talks about how society affects gender roles and stereotypes, pushing for inclusivity19. By following Adler’s ideas, readers can find true happiness and self-contentment20.
Understanding Adlerian Psychology
| Concept | Description |
|---|---|
| Approval Addiction | Relentless pursuit of recognition and approval from others |
| Authentic Living | Pursuing true contentment by living earnestly and without seeking external praise |
| Horizontal Relationships | Building relationships based on equality and mutual respect |
| Separation of Tasks | Recognizing and focusing on what one can control |
| Adlerian vs. Freudian Psychology | Adlerian: Meaning individuals assign to past experiences. Freudian: Psychic wounds causing present unhappiness |
By understanding and applying these ideas, “The Courage to Be Disliked” offers deep insights into overcoming approval addiction and finding true happiness2120.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Nedra Glover Tawwab’s “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself” is a detailed guide for emotional wellness. It was published in 2021 and has become a key resource for those with porous boundaries. It helps people set healthy boundaries for better relationships22
The book is divided into two parts. Part One teaches about boundaries, their importance, types, and violations. Part Two gives practical advice on setting boundaries in different areas of life, like family, friendships, and work22. This approach helps readers find emotional peace and build healthy relationships.
The book discusses three types of boundaries: porous, rigid, and balanced. Tawwab says setting boundaries can make you feel guilty or sad, but it’s a natural part of the process22.
Tawwab grew up in a big family with 32 cousins. She learned about the need for boundaries in such large families23. She stresses the importance of clearly communicating your needs to set boundaries effectively23. For example, setting boundaries with in-laws about child-rearing can be tough but is respected when done clearly23.
Tawwab talks about setting boundaries with her spouse for personal time. She shows how important self-respect and self-care are23. At first, setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable, but it leads to more time for yourself23.
The book also talks about different types of boundaries, like physical and emotional ones22. Tawwab emphasizes the need for technology boundaries, like limiting social media to protect your mental health23.
In summary, “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Glover Tawwab is a deep guide for emotional wellness. It teaches the importance of clear communication and self-care. By doing so, people can build healthier relationships and live a balanced, peaceful life2223.
Self Help Books People Pleasing: A Comprehensive Approach
Understanding people-pleasing behavior is key for personal growth. Self-help books tackle the psychological side and offer practical tools. They help you overcome these tendencies.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is vital in managing people-pleasing. It helps you understand your and others’ emotions. This way, you can set healthier boundaries.
Self-help books reveal that perfectionism often goes hand in hand with people-pleasing24. Improving emotional intelligence through these books is crucial. It helps balance being selfless with being self-full, which is good for your mental health25.
Importance of Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent communication is a key tool for people-pleasers. It lets you express your needs without causing conflict or guilt. This method is essential for setting boundaries and feeling heard in relationships25.
Self-improvement books also offer practical exercises to improve nonviolent communication. These skills are vital for reducing stress from always seeking approval24.
Many struggle with saying no and often put others’ feelings first. This leads to high stress and feeling overwhelmed24. Self-help books teach nonviolent communication and emotional intelligence to overcome people-pleasing. This leads to better personal and professional relationships.
These books stress the importance of developing a strong sense of self. This way, you don’t rely on others for self-worth and fulfillment25.
Final Thoughts on People-Pleasing and Recovery
Looking back, the journey to stop people-pleasing is a deep recovery path. In June 2014, many, like me, first noticed panic attacks from trying too hard to please others26. For some, this habit started in college and lasted into adulthood, affecting their close relationships and daily interactions27.
Signs like trouble saying no, taking on too much, and not wanting help show we’re people-pleasing too much26. Studies show many feel drained from these actions, finding it hard to say no and put their own needs first28. Women, in particular, are often taught to do this, making it a big issue for them27.
As a self-care coach and author, I found yoga and thinking deeply helped me26. Books like “Practice You” by Elena Brower and “Living with Intent” by Malika Chopra helped many find their true selves and improve themselves26. It shows how important it is to deal with people-pleasing to find our true identity27.
There are many ways to get help, like private coaching and online courses. Stories from others show how starting with basic self-care can change lives26. By working on this, people can live more fully, without the weight of always pleasing others.
Conclusion
These books guide you from being a people-pleaser to a self-advocate. They help you become more independent and build better relationships. “The Disease to Please” by Harriet B. Braiker and “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Glover Tawwab are key. They teach you how to set boundaries and create healthy connections.
Emma Turrell’s “Please Yourself” talks about four types of people-pleasers. It shows how childhood shapes these behaviors29. It’s about healing and finding your voice, starting with your childhood29. About 65% of articles show the real-life battles and the path to self-empowerment30.
These books teach you to be assertive, set limits, and build strong relationships. The journey is tough, but the benefits are huge. Each piece of advice helps you grow, leading to a more balanced life. Start this journey, share your story, and find your true self.
FAQ
What are some common characteristics of people-pleasing behavior?
People-pleasing often means always trying to make others happy, even if it hurts you. It’s hard to say no and express your own needs. This behavior can come from feeling not good enough, being anxious, or past hurts in relationships.
Can self-help books really help in overcoming people-pleasing?
Yes, self-help books can be very helpful. They give insights and steps to stop people-pleasing. Many people have found them to be life-changing, helping them stand up for themselves and build better relationships.
How does reading “The Disease to Please” by Harriet B. Braiker aid in recovery from people-pleasing?
“The Disease to Please” digs into why we people-please and shows how to stop. It’s a guide for anyone wanting to break free and take back their life.
What are the main takeaways from “When It’s Never About You” by Ilene S. Cohen?
This book teaches the importance of putting your own happiness first. It shows how to care for yourself and find true happiness, not just to please others.
How does “Not Nice” by Aziz Gazipura address assertiveness?
“Not Nice” teaches how to be confident when saying no. It helps you learn to express yourself and set boundaries, which is key to being assertive.
What strategies does Patrick King offer in “Stop People Pleasing”?
Patrick King’s book gives clear advice on being assertive and saying no. It helps you overcome guilt for putting yourself first, which is crucial for breaking free from people-pleasing.
Why are healthy boundaries important according to Henry Cloud’s “Boundaries”?
Henry Cloud’s “Boundaries” shows that setting limits is vital for self-respect and growth. It helps you protect your well-being and build healthier relationships.
How does “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie support codependency recovery?
Melody Beattie’s book looks at codependency and its link to people-pleasing. It offers personal stories and steps to help you find independence and healthier relationships.
What is the core message of “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi?
The book encourages living authentically and not needing others’ approval. It teaches embracing true happiness without worrying about what others think.
How can “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Glover Tawwab improve emotional wellness?
Tawwaw’s book shows how clear boundaries lead to emotional peace. It guides on setting limits for better relationships and emotional well-being.
What role does emotional intelligence play in overcoming people-pleasing?
Emotional intelligence helps you understand and manage your feelings. It’s key for setting boundaries and communicating without people-pleasing.
How can nonviolent communication aid in the recovery journey from people-pleasing?
Nonviolent communication teaches empathy and clear communication. It helps you express your needs and boundaries without needing to please everyone. It’s great for building healthy relationships.
Matt Santi is an inspiring personal growth and development leader. With over 15 years of experience in business management, HR, and operations, Matt’s career has shaped his passion for guiding individuals on their journey of self-improvement.
As an Eagle Scout, Matt’s dedication to service and community drives his commitment to helping others reach their full potential. He is a self-described personal development enthusiast, always eager to learn and grow from new experiences. Matt’s unique perspective and positive outlook on life influence his approach to writing and coaching others.
Matt’s writing on personal growth and development topics with a straightforward and actionable approach provides readers with practical tools and strategies to help them discover their strengths and abilities. His energy and expertise make him a valuable asset to anyone looking to cultivate a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
Matt Santi is an inspiring personal growth and development leader. With over 15 years of experience in business management, HR, and operations, Matt’s career has shaped his passion for guiding individuals on their journey of self-improvement.
As an Eagle Scout, Matt’s dedication to service and community drives his commitment to helping others reach their full potential. He is a self-described personal development enthusiast, always eager to learn and grow from new experiences. Matt’s unique perspective and positive outlook on life influence his approach to writing and coaching others.
Matt’s writing on personal growth and development topics with a straightforward and actionable approach provides readers with practical tools and strategies to help them discover their strengths and abilities. His energy and expertise make him a valuable asset to anyone looking to cultivate a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
