Humans are social animals who care about what other people think of them and want to fit in, so making excuses is a natural human reaction. We avoid responsibility, making excuses rather than dealing with awkward conversations and emotions.
Making excuses can make someone feel good at the moment because they’ve spared themselves some suffering. However, over time, they will experience less fulfillment and may experience anxiety or depression. Essentially, excuses are made-up justifications.
Occasionally, the individual genuinely thinks it’s a valid explanation. Excuse makers typically suffer from emotional problems and stress and lack the self-awareness to recognize their true issues (or they would have found solutions). They then explain to you what they believe to be the problem, but you can see that this is incorrect, so it appears to be an excuse. Another issue is that people will fabricate stories and lies to get away with crimes because they want to do so and because it has previously worked for them. In this article, we are going to learn about what excuses are, why people make excuses, and How to Stop Making Excuses.
Excuses: what are they?
Alright, an excuse is a justification or defense we offer for a mistake, a lost chance, or a moment of poor judgment. Saying things like “I couldn’t help it” or “It wasn’t my fault because this happened or that didn’t happen” is forgiving ourselves of accountability for our choices or actions. After all, haven’t we all been there? Who in their right mind hasn’t, at some point in their life, offered an excuse? We do it because finding an explanation makes it seem as though the burden has been lifted off our shoulders and placed somewhere else, whether it be on external factors, fate, or destiny.
Humans frequently make excuses as a coping strategy to avoid dealing with difficult assignments, uncomfortable circumstances, or sensitive personal matters. The problem is that even though they could provide some fleeting solace or relief, constantly coming up with excuses can have a detrimental effect on your mental health and general well-being because they don’t solve anything. Excuses serve to keep you where you are, not propel you forward.
The problem with excuses is that they don’t reflect our control over our own words and deeds, which is something we should all strive for. You see, the only thing you have control over in this world is yourself, and specifically your words and deeds.
Why do we make excuses?
We make excuses for the following reasons;
We need more motivation:
What drives you? Is the pain or stress of your current situation driving you to make the necessary change, or are you excited about the rewards of making a change? Some people may attempt self-motivation by concentrating on the “reward.” Still, their true motivation may lie in the agony of failing to overcome the present obstacle.
When someone is focused on losing weight, for instance, they might visualize themselves in a bikini, which would be a reward. However, the pain of not managing a health condition, such as obesity, diabetes, or another condition, may inspire them more than the idea of losing weight. If you fixate on the incorrect driver, your motivation will quickly wane, and you’ll start making excuses to give up.
Recognize your motivations and follow them to prevent pressuring yourself to accept a viewpoint that doesn’t feel right for you. You put yourself in the best possible position to follow through on your goals when you maintain a connection with your motivators and periodically assess them to make sure they still hold for you. Working with a life coach could also be beneficial for you in terms of developing an action plan and keeping up your momentum.
It takes bravery to acknowledge and confront your excuses. Still, once you do, you’ll be one step closer to defeating them and pursuing your goals!
We need to prepare:
Feeling prepared is a crucial component that helps us act when we want to make a change. Making the jump is essential once you’ve planned the actions you can take to advance the situation. Although it’s possible that we won’t always be 100% prepared for everything and that we’ll learn as we go, for some people, the need to have everything “perfect” before beginning can lead to procrastination and a complete lack of progress, which can lead to more excuses and a vicious cycle of “perfectionism.
Make a list of the steps you need to take in order to feel more equipped to carry out your plans. What small steps can you start taking today to give yourself the confidence to take the risk? To find out more about how people you look up to accomplished goals similar to your own, you can also read the autobiographies, blog posts, or inspirational stories of those who inspire you. These resources can give you important insights into their experiences and methods.
We question our abilities:
You may be thinking about starting your own business, studying a new subject, moving overseas, or pursuing your passion. Your excitement might inspire you to look into what steps you can take to make it a reality and conduct some research.
When you finally decide to tell your friends, family, or spouse about your idea after becoming incredibly excited, you might hear comments like “Are you sure,” “Is it worth it,” or “Can you do it?”
Your excitement could be abruptly replaced by a doubtful inner voice that tells you it’s impossible or questions your ability to succeed. Before you know it, you might be talking yourself out of your idea by telling yourself things like “I can’t do it,” which could prevent you from pursuing your plans.
Go back to the initial spark of your idea’s attraction. What might have happened if you had given it up? You should also consider joining a group of people who share your goals and reaching out to those who have already accomplished what you want to achieve, and talking about how they went about it. By doing this, you can spend more time with individuals who share your enthusiasm and passion, which can lessen your doubts.
We’re Afraid:
Although stepping outside of our comfort zone and trying something new can seem intimidating at first, these emotions are typically masks for underlying anxieties like failing, being rejected, making mistakes, or facing criticism from others. Frequently, holding onto these ideas can prevent you from taking action. Rather than accepting the unknown, you might resist the uncomfortable emotions or use them as justifications for not facing your fears and going ahead with the task.
Consider moving at a pace that is more manageable for you if the idea of change makes you uneasy. You can start with little adjustments, like taking a new class or taking a vacation to a foreign nation, and over time, that will build up your courage to take on more challenging changes. Consider working with an NLP practitioner who can help you overcome any underlying fears that you feel are preventing you from moving forward.
Excuse-making patterns
Here are the four common excuse-making patterns and how to avoid them.
Excuses for time and condition:
Where I currently reside, it is always acceptable to blame traffic delays for tardiness. It has taken me ten years to realize that I must account for traffic because it is a constant. It’s my fault that I’m running late because of the regular rush hour; traffic is not to blame. Examine the outside circumstances that will impact your ability to meet the deadline before accepting one. Create a strategy to control the circumstances or renegotiate the due date. It is whining to complain about circumstances that you were aware of beforehand.
Asserting ignorance or incompetence:
According to author Brené Brown, “Asking for help is a power move.” The excuse-makers say they are powerless. To complete tasks, successful people prepare questions ahead of time.
Changing the blame:
“It’s not my fault” is the most often used justification in both boardrooms and eighth-grade classrooms. Whether it’s business executives complaining that they have no control over the state of the market or a fourteen-year-old alleging her teacher failed to explain the task. Stopping it is the only way to get rid of it quickly. Both cease doing and cease accepting it.
Contesting the validity:
There is a pledge to deliver it to you by Friday. When Friday arrives, they are without it. Rather, they offer a variety of excuses as to why it doesn’t matter, why they shouldn’t have been asked, or why the project will only suffer if they are on time. It’s a cunning, deceptive, and frequently unconscious tactic to assign blame. Saying “no” in advance is a choice. However, it’s an excuse if you decline after committing. Saying yes should only come from the heart. Make sure that both of you are clear when someone says yes to you.
How to Stop Making Excuses
We all occasionally make excuses because we are only human. However, it’s time to learn how to stop making excuses if it’s beginning to interfere with your life and keep you from achieving your objectives.
Accept Accountability:
Realizing that you are the only one in charge of your fate is always the first step towards quitting excuse-making. “The past does not equal the future unless you live there,” as Tony puts it. Your destiny is entirely in your hands, regardless of what has happened to you in the past.
Modify your viewpoint:
Accepting responsibility helps you to see problems as chances rather than as roadblocks. Life is not about you; it’s about you. You’ve come to this point in your life because of everything that has happened to you; you can choose to change your circumstances or to keep coming up with excuses.
Discover your Limiting beliefs:
Certain limiting beliefs likely constrain those who make excuses. We tell ourselves these tales about who we are. You will keep coming up with reasons not to pursue your true desires if you genuinely think that you’re undeserving of success or that you lack the inner fortitude to face setbacks.
Modify your beliefs:
Upon recognizing your limiting beliefs, you can effectively modify your narrative and cease providing justifications. To achieve this, identify your negative self-talk and swap out any limiting ideas for ones that will empower you. You can alter your life by making changes to your words and narrative.
Stop overanalyzing the situation:
“Massive, determined action is the path to success,” Tony informs us. Making difficult decisions is a key competency of exceptional leaders and a necessary life skill. Still, many justification-givers experience “analysis paralysis.” You need to stop overanalyzing, let go of the past, and take decisive action in order to quit making excuses.
Identify your goal:
Do you wake up every morning full of energy and enthusiasm? The answer to the question of how to quit making excuses is probably not “yes.” How, then, can you get started? Return to the drawing board and review your life’s blueprint. What is it that you truly desire? Make a compelling vision that you will be honored to pursue, and you won’t ever justify anything again.
Set your goal:
While finding your purpose is important, the first step to making the invisible visible is to set goals. You are forced to stop making excuses and start building a compelling future when you work towards attainable goals. Set SMART goals that are doable and start small. As your self-assurance grows, aim higher and higher.
Seek Assistance:
Holding oneself responsible for your actions is essential to quitting making excuses, but it’s not always simple. Seek assistance from your significant other or a reliable friend. Even better, get in touch with a coach, join a mastermind group, or locate a mentor. They will possess the expertise and education required to hold you responsible and productive.
Benefits of Personal Accountability
It can be not easy at times to accept responsibility for oneself. But you’ll discover that it has a lot of benefits.
First off, your friendships, family, and professional relationships will be healthier. Children who were encouraged to accept personal responsibility for their actions also exhibited more positive social interactions, according to a 2005 study. Because individuals in teams and organizations can rely on one another, accountability also fosters trust. People are more likely to trust and respect accountable leaders because they can be relied upon to honor their commitments.
Paying attention to oneself can also save money and time. Individuals who accept accountability for their deeds speak up and seek out solutions when issues arise. This keeps things from getting worse while also halting the rise in expenses and delays.
Last but not least, taking personal responsibility can help you advance. Demonstrating your dependability to more senior colleagues positions you as a potential leader.
Matt Santi is an inspiring personal growth and development leader. With over 15 years of experience in business management, HR, and operations, Matt’s career has shaped his passion for guiding individuals on their journey of self-improvement.
As an Eagle Scout, Matt’s dedication to service and community drives his commitment to helping others reach their full potential. He is a self-described personal development enthusiast, always eager to learn and grow from new experiences. Matt’s unique perspective and positive outlook on life influence his approach to writing and coaching others.
Matt’s writing on personal growth and development topics with a straightforward and actionable approach provides readers with practical tools and strategies to help them discover their strengths and abilities. His energy and expertise make him a valuable asset to anyone looking to cultivate a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
